Nail Down (Men out of Uniform Book 2) Page 9

  “And?”

  She forced herself to meet his gaze. “For using you.”

  “Using me?” One eyebrow rose and his eyes darkened in the blink of an eye. “I think it’s safe to say you can use me whenever you want. And that I have no problem with it.”

  Whew.

  One look delivered with his low, husky voice and she was hot all over. Quinn resisted the urge to fan herself. Barely.

  “I meant— For bringing you here so that I’d have a hot date. For once. For hoping that maybe, just maybe, bringing a date would distract everyone from feeling sorry for me. To stop them trying to set me up with every eligible bachelor they can think of. Or distract everyone enough from wondering why I’m not in the wedding party.”

  “First off, I offered to come.” He frowned. “And second…why aren’t you in the wedding? You’re not tight with your cousin?”

  “Pictures,” she ground out.

  “Pictures?”

  Quinn swung her arm toward the portrait of the wedding party, in full view and prime position to the side of the foyer. It looked deceptively casual but had been commissioned by a well-known photographer and had taken a day to pull off. “Look at them. Each and every one of them. Tall, thin, elegant. Striking. Every single woman in my family has those traits except for me.”

  “So?”

  “So?” She almost sputtered. “Look at me.”

  “Believe me, I have. I do.” The up-and-down glance might have been quick but Quinn still felt the heat of his searing look bone deep.

  “I’d look out of place and mess up the pictures. Lack of balance, you know. Wrong coloring. Wrong body type. Just…wrong.”

  “Wait. You’re not in the wedding for your cousin because you look different from the rest of your family? And that would mess up the pictures?”

  “Bingo.”

  “You know that’s fucked up, right?”

  “You have no idea. Welcome to my world.”

  “That got anything to do with the grief and pain stuff?”

  She dipped her head. “Maybe.”

  “So let’s get out of here.”

  It sounded so easy. It should have been easy.

  “Um…I have to do something first, okay?” A lot of things in her family could be forgotten with time. Bad manners wasn’t one of them. “I’ll be right back.”

  Quinn turned too fast and stumbled. Ward caught her arm and steadied her. The move was smooth and automatic.

  “Thanks,” she breathed. “That might not be the only time you have to do that.”

  “I figured.” The right side of his mouth lifted. “Consider me on notice.”

  “I’ll be right back.”

  Quinn felt tension in every line of her body already and they’d only been here a few minutes. As she made her way across the foyer, it grew until she could feel the tremors in every limb. It was a feeling she hated, a feeling that had all the old emotions slamming back into her all at once—trapped, useless. Alone.

  “Quinn. Darling.”

  Breathe, just breathe.

  “Mother.”

  “Really, Quinn. Pants?”

  Aw, crap. The dark feeling in the pit of her stomach that was never far away when she was around her mother reared its ugly head.

  Quinn threw her arms wide. She’d thought the black satin evening pants and fitted halter top had been a safe bet. “Wear something black you said, something elegant you said. I’m sure this qualifies.”

  God, she wasn’t up on the latest skirt length these days for every conceivable event. As if she ever had been.

  Her mother frowned when she noticed her short, ragged nails. Right on cue. “You just missed Rodney. I think he’s gone off to take a quick call. Make sure you say hello.”

  “Yes, Mother.” Quinn didn’t know her mother’s most recent husband that well, but he seemed nice enough.

  “Rodney tells me you received an award. A national level teacher award but that you turned it down.”

  “Yes.” Of course, that would have been of interest and wouldn’t likely go unnoticed. Her mother would have liked that. “That would be like recognizing a fish for swimming. I’m just doing what I’m supposed to be doing.”

  Her mother sighed. “Quinn, I’ve stopped questioning why on earth you ever wanted to be a teacher.”

  Right. Quinn didn’t believe that for second.

  “And I’ll never understand why someone with the resources you had at your disposal would choose to become a teacher of all things in the first place.”

  See? Quinn tried to disguise a sigh, not sure if she pulled it off or not. Her mother would never get it, no matter how hard Quinn tried to explain, how hard she’d tried to make her understand.

  “But why does it have to be at that particular school? In that part of town? For heaven’s sakes, there are any number of top private schools in the city—well-known, prestigious schools. I’m sure they’d be delighted to have a Devlin join their ranks. I could make some phone calls. I could—”

  “No.”

  Her mother frowned. Quinn knew if there was one thing her mother hated, it was being interrupted. Especially by her youngest daughter. “Quinn—”

  “Why?” Quinn cut in. Again. Well, tough. “That’s simple. I’m needed there. They need good quality educators. I can make a meaningful contribution, make a real impact, a difference. I have. I do. And that particular school? That school needs me the most. Because for some of those kids—”

  When her mother pursed her lips in displeasure, Quinn cut herself off and took a deep breath. By now she knew the signs of disapproval, had seen them often enough. Was conditioned by them. Some things never changed. The fact that she would never get used to it was one.

  “Okay, ‘children’,” she corrected. “For some of those children in my class? I’m the one caring adult they’ve got in their lives. That’s why that school in that neighborhood. Children have warm homes, full bellies and laughter. That’s not who comes to my class every day. Most of those kids can’t afford the luxury of a childhood.”

  Quinn took in a deep, dragging breath. She’d done it again. Gone off on a tirade when she’d promised herself she wouldn’t. It shouldn’t matter this much anymore. She’d made her own way. Against the family pressure she’d done what she wanted, despite their efforts. She’d won. It gave her great satisfaction if not a crap load of baggage she could have done without.

  “Quinn—” Her mother broke off as a large party of guests walked into the foyer.

  “Listen, I—I have to go,” Quinn muttered. “I’m sorry. As usual. Give—give Caroline my regards?”

  “Quinn—”

  But Quinn had already turned away. It was the height of bad manners to leave without giving her regards personally to the guest of honor, but too damn bad. She’d only taken a couple of steps before she plowed into something hard. Or someone. A solid wall of immoveable muscle.

  Ward’s hands reached out to steady her as she caught her breath, his touch warm against the chilled skin of her bare arms.

  God, he’d been right there. He might not have heard anything, but he’d probably gotten an eyeful.

  “Quinn? What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” she forced out. “I’m ready. Let’s go, okay?”

  That was the best fucking thing Ward had heard all night except Quinn was pale, her expression pinched. And she was quiet. He’d never seen her anything but open, talkative and in the moment. Now? She was completely shut down and for some reason it pissed him the hell off.

  He frowned. “Did someone say something to you?”

  Quinn glanced back over at the older woman she’d been talking to. “It’s fine. It doesn’t matter. I should be used to it by now. Let’s go.”

  “It’s so not fine. Wait here.”

  “What? Ward—”

  “Wait.”

  Ward walked over to the older woman, trying his best to keep the limp to a minimum. All at once he had a lot of eyes on him. He’d pr
efer not to fall on his ass.

  The woman raised her eyebrows at him when he reached her. “I don’t know what you did or said to Quinn and I don’t really care, but you upset her and that’s…”

  Yeah, what? What pull, what influence did he have? What possible threat could he use? He was in civilization now. There were rules against that kind of thing. He’d stormed over here ready to defend Quinn, to fell any and all threat to her. He’d gone off half-cocked and that wasn’t like him at all. Now what?

  “You upset her,” he blurted out.

  “Yes. It seems I can’t do anything else, Mr. Andrade.”

  Ward stilled, his focus razor sharp in an instant.

  “Yes. I make it a habit of knowing who my daughter is associating with. I know exactly what you are.”

  And that was? He wanted to take it to her, except…

  Shit. This was her mother? His first thought was that Quinn was right. There was no family resemblance whatsoever. The second? She had some fucking nerve.

  He narrowed his eyes. “You spy on Quinn?”

  “Do you realize where she works? How dangerous it is?”

  He frowned and she inclined her head. It was the dismissive kind of nod only the wealthy privileged could pull off and he should know. He dealt with it on an almost daily basis. “You’re really that interested in her, are you?” she drawled.

  Ward ground his back teeth together until his jaw popped. “Does she know?”

  “It’s our unspoken compromise. One I clearly just broke.”

  The woman’s gaze met his—bold and direct—and Ward saw he what he probably should have before. Her eyes were the exact same shade as Quinn’s.

  She sighed and her expression softened a fraction. “I didn’t mean to upset her. For me, it seems to come naturally.”

  Yeah. He’d just hurt her too without meaning to, without thought. Too damn easy.

  “She’s not…” She swung her arm wide, shook her head. “I was going to say she’s not like us, but the reality is we’re not like her.” She choked out a half laugh. “We fall way short, I’m afraid. Quinn’s always been different from the rest of us. She’s always been happy with whatever she was given, content. She never had to have bigger or more. She didn’t need to be the best, she wasn’t driven to finish anything first, she was never constantly comparing herself to others. ‘Things’ never mattered to her. Holidays and birthdays she would have been happy with a piece of paper and a crayon as a gift and been grateful for it.” She smiled. “She would have simply drawn butterflies and rainbows and been perfectly happy.”

  Yeah. Or fucking flowers. He still wore them, hadn’t been able to make himself scrub them off, not completely.

  Ward cleared his throat. “So she doesn’t have the same driving ambition against all costs, huh?” He would have had to have lived under a rock not to know who Quinn’s siblings were. A heart surgeon and a judge must have been tough acts to follow.

  She frowned. “Oh, don’t get me wrong, she’s driven, perhaps more than any of us, but she’s driven to be absolutely, relentlessly true to herself despite…everything.”

  Ward frowned. “You sound almost…envious.”

  “Wouldn’t you be? To know exactly who you are, to be supremely confident of what you were meant to do and to be absolutely content with that realization? Regardless of what anyone else says or thinks? Irrespective of any materiality? It’s a very, very powerful place to be.”

  Yeah, he could see that.

  “She was never the same after what happened with the dog. At least she tolerated me up to that point.”

  His stomach lurched. “Dog?”

  Her gaze swung to his. “A stray.” She waved her hand as if to dismiss it as nothing. “Quinn brought it home with her. She kept it hidden for weeks somehow. We couldn’t keep it, of course. She’s never forgiven me for giving it to the gardener to get rid of.”

  Jesus, that was cold. Stone. Fucking. Cold.

  “She’s very special, you know.”

  The words were spoken so quietly, Ward almost missed them and there was something in her voice, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. Regret?

  “You cherish her, don’t you?” she added.

  Maybe he knew where Quinn got her insight from but…cherish? Jesus, what kind of word was that anyway? One he never would have used himself that’s for sure, except…

  “Yeah.” He cleared his throat. “I guess I do.”

  She gave him a long look, nodded and turned away. Ward had no clue what the nod meant. It might have been some form of approval or it could have been a “fuck you”. The old biddy wasn’t exactly easy to read.

  * * * * *

  Ward had been quiet on the drive back to her place, which wasn’t really anything unusual, but the vibe he was giving off was. At least to her. Of course, she was probably putting off her own vibe. Having to prepare herself for her family and coping with the aftermath was the one thing sure to make her come unglued.

  “Maybe we should cool it for a while, Quinn,” he ground out when she’d closed the door and they were standing in her living room.

  She continued to look at him, tried like hell to ignore the sense of dread seeping through her. “So, you’ve gotten over whatever apprehension you had and it’s time to move on, is that it?”

  “Yes. No.” He sighed. “I’m not moving on.”

  “Then what?”

  He scrubbed his hand over the top of his head. “I’m a piss-poor bet, Quinn. By anyone’s standards.”

  He’d done the same gesture a lot tonight, almost as if he missed the skull cap. Maybe he really did wear the thing everywhere.

  “Luckily for you I’m not just anyone. She warned you off me, didn’t she?”

  Quinn had expected it. What she hadn’t expected was that it would have worked in any way on Ward. Every other guy had cut and run under that fierce disapproval. She got it, she did. She’d barely managed to get out from under it herself, was still trying to not let it affect her so much.

  “No.”

  Quinn frowned. “She didn’t point out how wrong for me you are?”

  “No.”

  She sighed. “She’s warned off every guy I’ve ever dated.”

  His gaze narrowed on her. “We’re not exactly dating here, Quinn.”

  “Right. Sorry. I know that, I do. Sounds better than ‘just met and screwing’.”

  He caught her arm when she swung away from him. “Quinn, you satisfy me. Total, deep, full-body satisfy. Like no other woman. Ever. And it’s not just physical. You stimulate me on every level.”

  “But?”

  She knew there was a but, of course she did.

  “I might just like it too damn much. But it’s temporary.”

  He might not have said the words before, but she hadn’t deluded herself.

  “I know that,” she managed.

  He rubbed both hands over the top of his head. “God, you scare the hell out of me, you know that?”

  “Me? God, why?”

  “Because you’re fearless.”

  “Me?” she choked. “Fearless? Are you on something? I’m scared of pretty much everything.”

  “No. Not of anything that matters. You embrace life without any hesitation whatsoever. You open yourself up to everything around you. Situations, experiences, people. Everyone, including me. You put yourself out there, you risk being hurt. If that’s not fearless, I don’t know what is. And it scares the hell out of me because I don’t want to be the one to hurt you, really hurt you. Don’t let me be the one to hurt you, Quinn.”

  “You won’t,” she whispered, the words forced.

  “This thing between us? It’s not just sex. I’d be an idiot to think that. It’s something else. More. I don’t know what exactly but I’m still going to walk when the time comes. It won’t stop me…caring about you but I just need you to know…”

  “I’m not stupid, Ward.” She looked down. “I may not be worldly and sophisticated or have
a whole lot of experience, but I do know what this is. And what this isn’t. To you.”

  “As long as we’re clear.”

  As crystal. He hadn’t told her anything she didn’t already know, had he? She was an adult. She could have a sexual relationship, enjoy it for what it was. She should ride the novelty factor while she could. Right? And there was no time like the present.

  Quinn pushed back the niggling sensation in the pit of her stomach and reached up and back to the tie at her neck. If she could just undo it the two sides of the halter top would fall right off. She bit her lip, yanked at the fabric. It wasn’t budging. She’d tied it extra tight to be sure she didn’t have a wardrobe malfunction that would have had her disowned for life. Maybe longer.

  He frowned. “What are you doing?”

  “Jeez. Do I need to draw you a picture? By the way, did I tell you you look hot in the nice threads?”

  “Yeah?”

  “But I prefer you in nothing. So strip.”

  His mouth kicked up at the corner and he shrugged the jacket off his broad shoulders. “I guess we’re doing this then. Again.”

  “Are you kidding me? I don’t get a chance like this very often.”

  “Like this?”

  “Yeah, hello! You? Walking God. Me? Not so much.”

  His lips tightened. “We’re going to have a serious discussion about your self-image.”

  She was a realist. Did she really need to stand here and highlight her shortcomings? To him? He’d seen her naked for God’s sake.

  “But later, okay? Right now could you help me with this? I’ve tied the stupid thing into a knot.”

  He stepped to her and laughed. “Turn around.”

  Instead of tackling the knot, he rested warm hands on her shoulders. His rough fingers smoothed over her skin, causing a shiver that had nothing to do with cold to course through her.

  She sucked in a breath when he lowered his mouth to the curve of her neck. His lips trailed along the length of muscle there and the feeling arrowed down, straight between her legs, in a heated rush of sizzling sensation.

  He opened his mouth, hot and wet, and sucked against her skin. She trembled, her legs shook and all she could do was tilt her head to give him better access.